To be honest, I’ve been stuck in a self-worth rut all my life. I went through my daily dose of motivational self-love stuff and spent a lot of time reading books on ways to love yourself. And I agree with what they promote but we all know it’s not very easy to change that limiting mindset. A mindset that has been rooted deep from a very young age, not just by our society but by our own family and friends. Our lives have been shaped by the beliefs they’ve been feeding us all along.
Self-worth, also referred to as self-esteem is the amount of value you give yourself as a person, irrespective of what you do in life. It’s how much you respect your purest and most authentic self. After all that conditioning, I realize that I don’t know how it feels to be 100% true to myself. This was the case for a lot of the people I knew too. I posted a poll on Instagram with the question ‘Have you ever struggled with your self-worth?’ and it was heart-breaking to know that almost 86% of people have had issues with self-worth.
Remember, you’ve got something they don’t.
Comparison is the thief of joy
From a very young age, I’ve been compared to a lot of people. ‘Why didn’t you score high marks like X?’, ‘Why are you so quiet? Learn to be more lively like X’, ‘I think you need to shed that extra weight’ and more that I don’t remember now. A lot of parents and family members think that this is a passive way of encouraging people to be better, which is clearly the opposite of that. And as kids, we’re very vulnerable to this kind of stuff. We start to draw a line between what is appreciated and what is frowned upon. In the process, you started leaning towards what is cool to others and neglecting what you actually want. Right there, you lost your authenticity.
Comparisons make you feel inferior or superior. Neither serve a useful purpose.
Our core beliefs have shaped us into what we are today. You might have been a totally different person if your belief system was something different from now. As a kid, you didn’t have the freedom of choosing who you wanted to be. Your family, friends, and people who surrounded you made you into your current self. Also, the content that you consume every day through the internet and social media has influenced your decisions at some point in life.
Don’t believe in everything that you think.
Social media platforms like Instagram and Facebook have made it harder to stop comparing your life to others. It is only healthy until you look up to someone for inspiration, in order to work on yourself. However, this can easily turn around when you start feeling miserable about your life after looking at other people. We need to understand that people only showcase their good side on social media. No one is going to post about their miseries. Sometimes, they might even be putting up a fake show. So, it is not in our place to compare ourselves with things that we aren’t even certain about.
Admire someone else’s beauty without questioning your own.
Get to know yourself better
A sense of awareness is what you need to reach the root of your self-worth rut. Every time you start thinking about something negative about yourself, just take a pause and analyze why you’re feeling that way. When you feel like comparing your life with others on social media, stop there and think. Whenever I feel like I’m not good enough, I just pause and start acknowledging all the things that I am good at. I think of three things that I’m proud of in my life. It doesn’t matter how small or big that is.
The first step to change is to become aware of your bullshit.
There’s no one else like you in this entire world and that is your superpower. And something you deserve to be proud of. Screw societal standards and just do what makes you feel good. I’ve personally regretted a lot of things that I never got to try just because I was too afraid of people judging me.
Things to remind yourself when you have doubts:
You only have this one life, make it your best.
Being different or not having the same opinion as others is natural.
You deserve the same amount of love you give others.
What others think does not define who you are. You are what you think.
Choose to focus on yourself rather than wanting to know what others are doing.
Don’t seek approval at the cost of your authenticity.
Know that you are worthy of all the good things in this world.
Love starts with you.
Learning to love yourself just the way you are, is not going to be a quick fix. You need to give the process some time while you slowly challenge your limiting beliefs and welcome openness. When you start treating yourself with the love and respect that you deserve, the same will be reciprocated by the people around you. Change starts with you.
Take care.